


A Little Selfish

by DeadlyNova



Series: Stronger Together [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Banter, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Trans Kurapika, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24168631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadlyNova/pseuds/DeadlyNova
Summary: Perhaps, just this once, he could be selfish.
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Series: Stronger Together [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744345
Comments: 10
Kudos: 188





	A Little Selfish

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to my fic 'Stronger Together', so please read it first!

He was alone in bed when he awoke. 

He wasn't sure how long he'd been sleeping, but he suspected it had been longer than the ten hours Leorio had told him to, if the dull 'too many hours of sleep at once' headache he felt throbbing in his head meant anything. 

Still, it was better than the sleep deprivation he'd felt the night before, and he was sure his body felt thankful, despite his headache and almost painful need to use the restroom. 

He wasn't sure where Leorio was. He knew he'd never leave him so suddenly, even if he was angry with him, although there was a small part of his mind that kept insisting he would. He ignored it and sat up, wincing a bit at the pain in his head. Hopefully it would go away soon. It wasn't like he hadn't dealt with worse. 

After going about his business he returned to the bed, sitting down on the edge, much like he had last night when speaking to Leorio. 

He sighed, burying his face in his hands. 

Leorio would expect him to talk more today. He no longer had sleep deprivation as an excuse, nor did Leorio have it as a reason to not be angry with him. 

How would this confrontation go? At least he had told Leorio last night about the biggest thing on his mind. But he would no doubt want more details, and Kurapika wasn't sure he could give them to him. 

He'd also, when fading off into unconsciousness, listening to Leorio's heartbeat, craved to tell him about his feelings. 

It was perhaps a foolish thought. He didn't have time for things such as romance, after all, and just having Leorio as close to him as he already was already put him in danger. 

But Kurapika was a selfish person, deep down. He'd always known that. It was one of his less savourable qualities, second only to his stubbornness. And in his selfishness, he _wanted_ more with Leorio.

He knew how Leorio felt about him, to some extent. The other man had never made any attempt to hide it. He wore his heart on his sleeve when it came to pretty much any matter, and his feelings towards Kurapika were no exception. 

No one else ever looked at him that way. It reminded him of the look his parents had given one another, one that, as a child, he'd deemed as 'gross'. Or the one he'd caught Killua giving Gon many times before, before the boy noticed him and looked away with flushed cheeks. 

No one else he knew had ever seemed to care about his wellbeing nearly as much as Leorio did, either. 

No matter how much he pushed him away, he always came back. He was always there to pull him back to reality when he needed it most. He was always there to tend to his wounds, and he was there to provide a source of comfort when Kurapika's anxieties reared their ugly head. 

He was always there to reassure him that he was loved, and that, no matter what atrocities he committed, that would never change. 

Kurapika loved him. Was in love with him, most likely.

But was he strong enough to admit it to his face? 

Was he strong enough to protect Leorio if he were to put him in danger? 

Probably. 

But he wasn't sure he was strong enough to let himself be happy. 

Being selfish while also hating yourself was certainly a difficult burden to bear.

Kurapika sighed again, his face still buried in his hands. 

He was pulled out of his own head when the door unlocked. He shot up to his feet, ignoring the pounding in his head, and was fully prepared to defend himself from whoever dared enter his room. 

But it was just Leorio. 

He didn't even seem to notice or care that Kurapika was standing in a defensive position or that he had been seconds away from attacking him. 

Instead his face brightened up upon seeing that he was awake. 

"Oh! Hey!" He smiled brightly before turning away to attempt and shut the door, despite the fact his arms were full of various random breakfast items. He shifted them a bit before he was finally able to get the door shut without dropping anything. "This hotel has free breakfast, imagine that! Completely free!" 

"Nothing in life is free. It's simply factored into the bill." 

Leorio snorted. "Yeah, okay." He walked over to the bed and gently set down the 'breakfast' he'd gathered. A banana, two bagels, three hard boiled eggs, two cartons of juice, and four pieces of toast. Hardly what one would consider a meal. "Well it says it's free, and I say it's free, so it's free." He stared down at it proudly. Kurapika gave him a look. 

"You're also not the one paying for this room." 

Leorio bristled. " _You_ invited _me_ to come here, you know!" He looked somewhat annoyed as he pulled out his wallet. "But if you want me to help pay for the room, fine! I-" 

Kurapika sighed. "Leorio. It's fine. I'm sorry." 

Leorio's eyes widened a bit. "You sure?" 

"Yes, it's fine. The breakfast is going to be served whether I eat it or not." 

"Well, you're gonna eat some. I got enough for both of us. Besides, knowing you, you haven't eaten in a while, yeah?" 

"A bold assumption." 

"But it's true, isn't it?" Kurapika couldn't help but look away. Leorio knew him too well. 

Leorio sat down on the other side of the bed, the food between them. "You can even pick first. There was only one banana, but you can have that, if you want it." 

Kurapika eyed the banana before looking back up at Leorio with his eyes narrowed. "There's no way I'm eating a banana in front of _you_."

Leorio's cheeks grew red. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?!" 

"It means exactly what you think it does. You're a pervert. You can't deny it." 

" _You're_ the one thinking dirty thoughts about a _banana_!" Leorio's cheeks were still incredibly red. Kurapika couldn't help but feel a bit satisfied with that fact. 

"And you're getting flustered over it. So clearly you're the one with the dirty mind here." 

"That's-that's not-" Leorio groaned before reaching for the banana and aggressively peeling it before taking a bite. Kurapika couldn't help but chuckle at that. 

"Can't believe you're riling me up on purpose..." He was mumbling and had food in his mouth, but Kurapika still understood. 

"I enjoy it." 

"'Course you do." He took another aggressive bite of the banana. "Now eat something. I wasn't kidding, I know you're hungry. The foods right in front of you, so you might as well eat it. 

"Alright." Kurapika grabbed a piece of toast, and the two of them mostly ate in silence after that. It was only when their meal was nearly finished that Leorio spoke up again. 

He'd taken on a serious look, sometime after they began to eat their breakfast, and Kurapika knew it was coming. He'd been preparing himself, barely nibbling on his food. He'd lost his appetite right after Leorio had gotten that look on his face. 

"Kurapika...."

Kurapika couldn't look at him again. "Yes, Leorio?" 

"I..thought a lot about...what we talked about last night." 

Kurapika stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. 

"When I woke up this morning I was gonna yell at you. I really, _really_ wanted to yell at you." 

"Understandable...." 

Leorio sighed. "But...I don't wanna fight and have you disappear again. I'd rather just...enjoy what little time you'll let me spend with you." 

"Leorio...." 

"You know how much I care about you, right?" 

"I..I'm aware...." 

"And I know you know more than anyone how loss feels." 

Kurapika could feel himself shaking. 

"Yes....." 

"I don't know, maybe it's selfish of me...I know you have your mission, and you've dedicated your life to it, and you're probably so close to finishing it...but..." Kurapika didn't look up at him. He couldn't do it, not right now. But he could hear the wateriness in Leorio's voice, he could tell he was nearly crying again. "I don't know if I could handle losing you. Not for real." 

"Leorio, I...." He sighed and clenched his eyes shut. What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? 

"It's fine, Kurapika." Leorio sniffled, and Kurapika's heart broke. "I just...needed to let you know. That I felt that way. We can move on now...talk about something else. Something happier." 

"I'm selfish too, you know?" Leorio started to speak, but Kurapika continued. "I don't want to hurt you. Or Gon, or Killua, or Melody, or anyone else who has found room for me in their heart. I thought that was selfless of me, for a long time. I thought that, because I cared about you, I needed to keep you away from me. Being near me is dangerous." 

"That's-" 

"Let me finish. I'm selfish because I don't want to keep you away from me anymore." 

"Kurapika...." 

"I can't give up my mission. Even for you. But I don't want to disappear again, either." Leorio started to speak again, and Kurapika found himself interrupting him once more. "Putting you in danger because of my personal feelings is, however, incredibly selfish. I would rather you disregard it and leave. Please." 

"Will you finally let me talk now?" 

"Yes." Kurapika eyed him out of the corner of his eye. Leorio wasn't crying anymore. That was good, at least. 

"I'm not some helpless, weak idiot, you know?" 

Kurapika almost instinctively retorted with something snappy. Almost. In any other situation he would have in a heartbeat. But this was far too serious for a sarcastic remark like that. 

Instead he stayed silent. 

Leorio rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Look, I....I'm not _totally_ sure what you're getting at, but if it's what I think..then...well...." Kurapika finally found it in him to look the other man in the eyes, and he couldn't help but shiver at the incredibly serious look in them. "Kurapika, you're worth it." 

Kurapika wanted to argue with him. He wanted to so, so badly. Wanted to call him an idiot, wanted to tell him he was a fool for wanting to stay with someone who would put him in near constant danger, but he couldn't do it. 

He was far too selfish. 

Instead he found _himself_ doing something incredibly foolish. 

He found himself kissing Leorio. 

It wasn't what he intended to do at all. Perhaps if he wasn't feeling so emotionally charged he wouldn't have done it. But it had happened, and after a brief moment of shock Leorio was kissing him back, and his tongue was pressing against his lips before sliding in, and one of Leorio's hands was in his hair and the other was pressed to the small of his back, and Kurapika found himself unable to breathe, so he finally pulled back, panting. 

He stared at Leorio, eyes wide and probably red, and his brain completely shut down. 

Leorio stared back at him with the softest look on his face. It was that look again. The one that nobody else had ever given Kurapika. 

"I'm in love with you." 

He hadn't intended to blurt that out. Of course he hadn't intended to kiss Leorio, either. 

But his body seemed to be several steps ahead of his mind this morning. 

For a moment he thought he said the wrong thing, as Leorio gawked at him.

But eventually he responded. 

"God, Kurapika, you're really not beating around the bush, huh?" 

Kurapika averted his eyes, and he could feel his face heating up. 

He only looked back once he felt Leorio's hand on his burning cheek, guiding him to face him once more. 

"I love you too." 

Kurapika stared at him in awe. He forgot what those three little words felt like. 

Leorio let out a chuckle. "You look surprised." 

"I'm...I'm not, I just...I forgot what it felt like for someone to tell me they loved me." 

Leorio's eyes got sad again. Kurapika didn't like that, he didn't want to ever see that look in his eyes. It was the very reason he had been so nervous yesterday. The very reason he couldn't look at him earlier. 

"Don't look at me like that." 

"Like what?" 

"With that sad look in your eyes." 

"Oh." 

"It's fine." Kurapika stood up and began gathering the garbage from their breakfast and removing it from the bed as Leorio watched him, also picking up the banana peel, which had fallen to the floor.

Leorio rubbed the back of his head again, his eyes darting around. It reminded Kurapika of how he'd been last night when he was taking a bath. 

"I'm sorry, did I make things awkward?" Kurapika found looking at him much easier now. 

"No, no, you didn't. I just...somehow forgot you weren't wearing any pants. And my shirt. Ah...you wearing my shirt feels a lot more meaningful now, I guess." 

Kurapika stared at him, feigning innocence. This was another great opportunity to fluster Leorio. "Did you want me to take it off?" 

Leorio sputtered, his face growing several shades redder, and Kurapika couldn't help but laugh. "What?! NO! I mean, if you wanted to, in another situation, maybe- stop laughing at me!" 

"I can't help it. You're just so fun to tease." 

"Yeah?! Well, two can play at that game!" 

"I assure you, there is nothing you can do to make me act like a flustered goofball like you." 

"Maybe not, but I bet I can make you blush." Leorio was smirking at him, and Kurapika felt his competitive spirit kick in. He wanted to beat Leorio at his own game. 

"I doubt that." 

"You were blushing just a second ago!" 

"Yes, but I made _myself_ blush out of embarrassment, that had nothing to do with you." 

"Oh yeah, suuuure." 

"It's true and you know it." 

"Well, we'll see. C'mere." Leorio reached out for him with grabby hands and a huge grin on his face, and Kurapika found himself immediately drawn to him. He finally dropped the trash he was holding into the garbage can before slowly walking back to the bed and crawling up on it, sitting on his knees. Leorio adjusted himself accordingly, sitting cross legged across from him.

"So, uh, what did you wanna do?" 

"I don't know, _you're_ the one who insisted you were going to make me blush." 

"Well, yeah, but-" 

"Are you all _talk_?" 

Leorio groaned. "Kurapika..." 

Kurapika was feeling bold, and he also still wanted to beat Leorio at his own game. So, without a warning to the other man, he found himself crawling forward to settle on Leorio's lap. He couldn't help the satisfaction he felt when Leorio's face went red again and he gawked at him once more, sputtering in that way Kurapika had grown so fond of. 

Kurapika wrapped his arms around Leorio's neck. "I think you're losing." 

"That's-" Leorio's face was still bright red, but he seemed to be regaining a bit of his composure, at least. "You...you could've _warned_ me!" 

"That wouldn't be very beneficial to me, would it?" Kurapika smirked. 

"Yeah, well, two can play at that game!" 

"You said that earlier. Those exact words." 

"Who said you could make fun of me?" 

"I've been doing it for years." 

"I don't ever make fun of _you_." 

"And you're not starting now." 

"That's because I don't flirt by making fun of people. You're like a little kid who's mean to someone because they like them." Leorio was smirking at him again, and Kurapika couldn't help but feel offended by the statement. He was pretty sure he was pouting, but didn't want to think too much about it. It wasn't good for his dignity. 

"I am _not_." 

"I can't believe you've been flirting with me this whole time. All these years I thought you were just being mean." Leorio was grinning now, and Kurapika was taking the bait. He was a bit angry with himself for it, but he couldn't help it. 

"I wasn't-" 

"Ha! You're blushing!" 

Kurapika pinched Leorio's neck, causing him to let out a yelp and rub at it, but it did shut him up for a second, and Kurapika used the opportunity to squirm out of his lap. 

"You're backing out now because you lost, huh?" 

"I didn't lose. You still blushed more than I did." 

"Hmm, I still feel like I won, though." 

"Do you?" Kurapika raised an eyebrow questioningly. It was no question to him who had won, he had clearly made Leorio much more flustered than Leorio had him. 

"Yeah. My goal was to make you blush, and I did." Leorio was looking at him fondly again. "It's a good look for you, I'd like to see it some more." 

Kurapika felt his cheeks heat up again, and he was _not_ happy about it. Leorio probably said that _just_ so he'd get him to blush again. Ugh. 

Shockingly, though, his blush didn't invoke a verbal response from Leorio, who was still just looking at him like _that_ , and Kurapika felt that same fondness overcome him, as well. 

He really did love this man, he realized that fully, now. No matter how much he'd try to justify continuing to push him away, and no matter how much he tried to tell himself he wasn't deserving of Leorio's love, that much was fact. 

Perhaps it was indeed selfish, in the end. He still didn't want to put Leorio in any danger for associating with him. But Leorio was right. He wasn't weak. He would be fine. 

Perhaps, just this once, he could be a little selfish. 

Perhaps, just this once, he could allow himself a shred of happiness, after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment if you liked it, thanks!!
> 
> tumblr: kirishimasmom


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